I’m not trying to be sensationalist or dramatic or oversimplistic here; this is an honest question.
Why do the traits I seek in a male (heterosexual) partner seem only to exist among gay men?
I have so many delightful gay male friends; men who are attentive and affectionate and caring and smart and funny and responsible and respectful and not caught up in their own egos and able to talk about movies or books or theater or art for hours at at time and treat me like a queen, or maybe a princess, or at least like a woman/friend to be valued and honored.
I am grateful to have so many female friends who feel that way about me and about whom I feel the same, and I’ve appreciated those bonds all the more strongly in recent weeks and months. And I am lucky and grateful have a number of male buddies who love me for who I am and treat me accordingly.
But, in the world of romance, why is it so hard to find someone who is my equal on all counts, who is interested and interesting, funny and appreciative of my humor, smart but not lofty, attractive but not obsessed with his own appearance or mine, not competitive but accomplished and excited to share our accomplishments without competition or resentment?
I know this exists; most of my friends are in such partnerships. I just can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.
I am happy enough being alone; I don’t NEED another person to make me feel whole. And I would WAY rather be alone than be with the wrong person. But we all want to love and be loved, right? Sometimes I worry that that ship has sailed.
So maybe what I really need to do is figure out how to be okay with that, right?
Maybe. But I’m not ready to resign myself just yet.
Any clues/advice/insights/encouragement you might offer, I will deeply appreciate.
And, for those of you who have found your matches: I am sincerely happy for you, and I only ask that you take a moment to feel grateful.