I have, I suddenly understand, spent far too much of my life trying to fit in, trying to be part of one group or another, going along with other people’s ideas about how I should behave and be and live my life. Always reacting, always nervous, always insecure
Not any more.
It occurred to me the other day that every single assessment of personality/leadership style/potential I have ever taken has placed me in a very small and rare category. Instead of celebrating that and running with it, I have, until now, tended to apologize for it, hide it, pretend I’m just one of the cool kids.
Not any more.
My mother chose to name me Jennifer after the actress Jennifer Jones, because she was so beautiful.
Think about that.
I am not Jennifer Jones beautiful.
But I AM smart. I AM talented. I AM funny. I am kind and big-hearted and serious in my quest to be the best person I can be.
But my name doesn’t necessarily reflect any of that — or even an aspiration toward any of that.
Over the course of my life, I’ve tested out a number of variations of my name, which equated to my testing out a number of identities and personalities. I was Jenni with a star above the I. I was Jennie. I was Jenny. I was, when I was feeling the need to be mature and professional, Jennifer.
But now? Now I’m Two-N Jenn. Two-N Jenn is bad-ass. It feels right to ME, right now. Because, you know what I’ve learned after all this time?
I’m pretty freakin’ bad-ass, myself. I just never shut out the other voices long enough to notice.